Goody's Powder Cool Orange

MannDubinBlog knows how to create a hangover. You take some Whynatte and mix it with some Goldschlager (or Jagermeister, but MannDubinBlog loves a good WhySchlager); you take some whiskey and mix it with some pomegranate juice (for real: try it); you take some original Coors and a meaty hamburger and you are set for the night (vegetarian? try...no. go f**k yourself).

What to do the next morning? Hair of the dog? Vitamins? Exercise? Definitely no.

You wake up in the morning when the sun's warm, about 2...maybe 3 o'clock and take some Goody's Powder Cool Orange flavor. It has the same amazing effect of Goody's Original, but without that deathly taste. Honestly, it tastes kind of like orange Gatorade powder with a little bit of medicine. If you're reading this you're probably hungover because you spent last night taking shots with Blondie at the Clermont Lounge in between paying her to perform her special trick. Know how we know? We were the guys sitting next to you. We recommend you get your ass off your couch and head straight to your nearest drug store to pick up some Goody's Powder. And, while you're there, pick up a can of Whynatte 'cause you'll need a great tasting pick me up before you start again.

It's what we do best. Be safe, folks.

Wolverine: The Movie

Sorry Hugh Jackamn groupies but this was an utter disappointment of a film. It wasn't so much that this movie was awful, it was more that it just didn't really do anything. After leaving the theater I immediately wanted to go see another movie. Another, better movie, that would wash the remnants of this newest X-Men spin off from my memory.

Granted, I'm not the biggest fan of super hero movies in the first place and I know next to nothing about the X-Men but this movie was pretty much garbage.

Maybe I've been spoiled by the string of recent great super-hero movies that gave me false hope for this one. From The Dark Knight, to Transformers, to Iron Man, it is abundantly clear that Hollywood is capable of producing top notch films based on super-heroes. Wolverine is not one of those movies.

For the record, don't bother sitting through the 10 minutes of credits to see the bonus scene. It's 10 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

Men and Feminists: Getting Even

We here at MannDubinBlog stand with women in their fight to close the wage gap. We think it's morally reprehensible that women earn 77 cents for each dollar men are paid. However, like everything here at MannDubinBlog, there's a catch.

We, the male demographic, don't want to be expected to pay any more than women in the course of a relationship. It ain't right. How many times have we been enjoying a pleasant evening at a restaurant with a female companion only to have a beautiful moment shattered by a waiter who places the bill for the evening smack 'dab in front of your face? How do you proceed? If it's a first date I'd bet my left nut you're picking up the tab. Or, if your long term relationship is anything like my previous ones, you sure as hell aren't going to try to get even a cent out of your date. Sure sure, you might be saying to yourself, "Well gee MannDubinBlog, my girlfriend and I are pretty happy with how we divide things." You can say that 'til your dick falls off, but it doesn't make it true. One of you is getting screwed, and I can only assume that the quality of sex makes that screwing worthwhile.

Let's close this wage gap, guys. And girls, next time a waiter delivers the bill to your man, kindly say, "excuse me sir, but I'm the sugar daddy tonight."

Swine Flu. The new STD.

We don't know about all this swine flu nonsense. Seriously? This is how it ends? We have a worldwide economic crisis, mass genocide, and global terrorism. With all that now the powers that be are telling us that we're all going to die from a sexually transmitted disease that I'm pretty sure is contracted by having sexual intercourse with a pig.

My previous statement might sound controversial but dammit we're under attack! This is no time for us to worry about hurting feelings or being politically correct. S0 I beg of you, if you insist on slutting it up with bacon, in spite of the known dangers, don't turn around and hop in bed with the the sorority girl who lives down the hall. Because most likely we too will be trying to hop in bed with the sorority girl down the hall and we don't want those of you who have been intimate with pigs spreading swine flu to our perfectly decent sorority girls.

In short, if you must go pig, please be considerate of those of us who like mating with our own kind and who don't like dying of swine flu.

Of course, if this all turns out to be how things end for humanity and swine flu turns out not to be a STD but rather a highly contagious airborne virus we will formally retract our statements.

Good luck to everyone through these trying times.

Coors Original

Burt's. The Banquet Beer. Coors. Coors Original. It's all the same, and it's all delicious.

I've been drinking Coors all day, and I live it. At first I thought that was a typo because I meant to type love it, but I mean what I said. I live it. Just like Burt Reynolds in 1977, I am Coors. I think 1977 was the first time I had a Coors, and I wasn't born until 1985. It's the perfect balance of everything you want in a beer. It's slightly creamy, but not too much. It's slightly hoppy, but not too much.

In short, if you're thinking about drinking tonight, make it a Coors. They don't even sponsor us (yet), but we love Coors Original. And, if you know anyone at Coors, tell them about our blog. We'd love for them to sponsor us. Shit. We'd like anyone to sponsor us.

Until then, keep drinking.

Crank 2!

Crank High Voltage, or as myself and everyone else probably calls it Crank 2, is the film equivalent of an acid trip. Sure, you'll probably come out in the end alive, but you'll never be the same, and you'll probably have flashbacks.

This movie is a must see. But, this movie is not worthy of anyone buying a ticket for. Seriously, if you pay good money to see Crank 2 I will personally see to it that Jason Statham shoves a shotgun covered in tar up your ass, which for the record, he does in the first five minutes of this movie.

So how are you supposed to see Crank 2? Easy, slip into the theater after seeing a movie that is actually worthy of $10, like The Soloist or 17 Again. I swear Crank 2 was made for this. When the producers finished Crank 2 I guarantee they said to themselves, "Man, this movie is wild. It's too bad were not going to make any money off of it because everyone is going to see it for free after paying to see that Zac Efron movie." Which is exactly what I did.

There is little plot and no effort on the filmmakers part for this movie to even make that much sense. But that's the point. Crank 2 is action porn, nothing more, nothing less. I won't divulge all of the fun stuff that goes down in Crank 2 but suffice to say I'm still having flashbacks.

Definitely a must see for the low low price of free.